UNacceptable Weapons, Methods of.....

Title: UNacceptable Weapons, Methods of Engagement, Retaliation and Interrogation
Fandom: BtVS/SG1
Series: Year in the Life
Characters: Hammond, Mjr. Paul Davis, Sgt. Walter Davis, Xander, Alex, Jon, Faith, Connor



TO: All SGC Personnel
FROM: Major General George Hammond
SUBJECT: Banned 'Weapons' and Acts of Retaliation/Interrogation against civilians on any planet--REMIND SG1, SG27, SG28 & SG29 TO READ THIS OFTEN!


Banned Magical Acts:

1. You cannot curse a civilian of any planet with: boils, diarrhea, sexually transmitted diseases, itching rashes of any sort, halitosis, extreme flatulence, body oder.
2. You cannot have a civilian of any planet turned into any animal, vegetable, mineral, insect, reptile, microscopic organism, inanimate object. No Transmorgification or transmutation of any sort. (Note: this also includes partial transformations such as ears, tails, whiskers etc.)
3. You may not magically teleport any civilian of any planet with out their express knowledge and permission to a safe destination or without due cause. Teleporting someone into a lake or a mudpuddle for being annoying is not allowable and will be punished.
4. You may not magically teleport anything to drop on a civilian's head.
5. You cannot curse a civilian to choke on any food stuff. Including any and all types of chewing gum candy and drinks.
6. You cannot curse a civilian with plagues of fleas, ants, locusts, wasps, bees, lice, or any other insect of any type.
7. You cannot curse a civilian that every canine he or she encounters urinates on their leg, or bites them--anywhere.
8, You may not curse a civilian's clothing, personal belongings, or food in any way, shape or form, for any reason. At all, ever.

Banned Items to be used as Impromptu Weapons of Mass Destruction
1. Jello, pudding, any and all gelitanous foodstufs.
Any and all food stuffs for that matter.

The Following Items are not to be used as instruments of revenge or as weapons unless it is in defense of your life
1. Shovels
2. Brooms
3. Toilet paper
4. Crazy Glue.
5. Silly Putty
6. Laffy Taffy, any sort of Taffy (see above ban on any and all foodstuffs--this includes candy of all types)
7. Hubba Bubba, Bubbalicious, Bubble Yum, any and all kinds of chewing gum.
8. Nerf bats, balls, Nerf anything.
9. Hard Rock Music (Yes I realize it did work on Noriega in Panama but for the sake of intergalactic treaties and our budget--it's forbidden)
10. Any sort of music.
11. Play doh.
12. Bran and Scoelan, Grandsons of King Nuada of the Tuatha De Danaan
13. Mary O'Neill
14. Abydonian Moonshine.
15. Demonic bodily fluids of any sort.
16. Demonic body parts of any sort.
17. Demonic entities of any sort.


Battery operated toys that make siren sounds, annoying 'lazer/blaster sounds' whistles and such are not to be used as methods of interrogation.
Neither is Barney, the Teletubbies or Blues Clues.


"Can you think of anything else?" Hammond asked Paul Davis who looked over the list.

"No." Paull shook his head. "Though that doesn't mean they won't."

This list is subject to additions that take immediate effect, was quickly added.

~*~*~

"Whew you guys sure got Hammond steamed," Faith shook her head looking at the memo. She grinned. "Don't see nothing about cursing inanimate public objects to do something to someone when no one's looking though."

"Nope." Alex smirked. "Nothing about Silly string either."

"Or food coloring." Chase grinned. "Nothing about mud and organic sludges."

"Or Nair." Xander grinned. "Or plain old slipping laxatives in food....that's not a curse. Can be done non magically. And hmmm there's only magical teleportation mentioned, not Asgard beamy lights."

"Itching powder, whoopee cushions..." Jon nodded. "What? Classics are classics for a reason And Zayn with a twelve pack of mountain dew in him isn't on here either."

Connor shrugged. "We'll think of something if we ever need to. Kinsey managed to discredit himself nicely with his temper tantrum."

~*~

"Sir, Lt. Jon, Lt. Alex, Xander, Connor Angel and Slayer Faith were all grinning at the new regulation addendum." Walter Davis said nervously as he entered Hammonds office.

Hammond reached in his drawer for his tums, shook two out of the 'supersized' container and offered it to Davis who accepted and took one for himself."Let's just hope we've covered enough."

"Yes sir."