Considering the Offer

Logan leaned against an oak tree, one hand playing over the rough bark. Only a piece of his mind was focused on the herd of deer grazing in the meadow, most of his mind was worrying over the Hudsons and their offer. Parts of it were tempting, and parts were very troubling.

If they were being truthful, maybe he could have a safe place. Maybe he could reclaim the fragments of his memories, sort out who he used to be and what had happened. Maybe he could have a home.

If they had been sent by whoever had caused this in the first place, he might be sent for more of the same, more of the red pain and screaming haze. More time in the hands and under the knives of people who saw him as a tool, as a thing to test and use. Eventually, what made him Logan would shatter again under that, and he would either become no more than a tool, or he would be no more than a crazed animal in pain. He didn't like either option.

Angel was probably thinking about the Hudsons also, though he'd be thinking in the darkness of the cave, safe from the sunlight. There were different problems for Angel, and his friend had adapted to them. The winter cold hadn't bothered him, but sunbeams were painful. He'd seen it, a thin shaft of light that had caught Angel's arm and left smoldering burns. Angel's swearing had covered four languages, and Logan had been surprised to discover that he knew them all.

"I have too many questions," Logan spoke the words, low enough not to startle the deer. "If I don't go, I won't find the answers."

Shaking his head, he began the trek back to the cave where he slept, the cave where Angel was safe from the sunlight. The cave where he had left the metal tags that had been the only thing on him when Angel had found him naked and bloody in the snow.

"I want those answers."

Logan hoped that he wasn't making a big mistake.

* * * * * * * *

“You’re growling,” Angel’s voice emerged from the back of the cave, the early hour strengthening his accent.

“Sorry,” Logan grunted, moving inwards and sitting on a piece of log. “I’ve been thinking about their offer.”

“Of course you have,” Angel moved closer. “Have you made a decision?”

“If I go with them, if I try this program for special people, I might find answers. I might gather back the bits that tell me who I am, who I was. How I ended up the way I am now,” Logan touched the back of his hand, tracing over the place where the blades emerged from his skin. “If they’re on the level, it would be a great opportunity.”

“Have you considered the other possibility? That they may not be on the level? Or that they mean what they say, and their bosses have lied to them?” Angel’s low words held no anger. “It would be a very effective strategy. If they believe what they’re saying, the people they talk to would know that. But if what they believe is a lie…”

“Yeah. If this program isn’t what they say, I could end up back in the red again. Pain screams, and more pain. I don’t know how long I’d last before I stopped being Logan,” his words were harsh, and the growls were more than an undertone. “I’d either become a tool or an animal.”

“And neither one would still be Logan,” Angel spoke in the dark, finishing the thought. “Do you want to go?”

“I know it’s taking a big risk, but I need to try to get the answers. I think this might be the best way to do that,” Logan sighed, and let his mind consider the bloodier possibilities. “Go with me. Be there so that if they try to break me, someone will stop them. Maybe stop me, if that’s what it takes.”

“You mean, be ready to get you out of there if it’s necessary, and kill you if I’m to late,” Angel’s voice was low, and his accent thicker.

Logan looked towards Angel, not having the words to answer. He knew that what he was asking wasn’t a simple thing, and it wasn’t something that most people would have understood so easily. And that there could be a gap between understanding a thing and doing it.

For several long minutes, they sat there in the darkness, letting the ugly possibilities and Logan’s desperate request hand in the air.

“Agreed.”

Logan almost missed the soft word. He didn’t smile though, knowing that if his friend needed to carry through on that promise, it would cost him. It would cost, not in coin, but in blood and pain and guilt. For Angel’s sake, he hoped it didn’t come to that.

End D&BM6: Considering the Offer.