18: Finally Forgiveness, Betrayals Learned

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed. See chapter one for details.

Timeline: One day before Harry’s trail in front of the Ministry.

A/N: Hello, thanks for all the reviews and to all the readers, for well reading. Sorry about the delay, this chapter didn’t want to come out. I’ve rewritten countless times and I’m still not happy. Buffy may seem a bit OOC, but it's part of the story. So not reviews, telling me so. I did it intentionally for the sake of the story.

Happy Reading!

Grimmauld

The Scooby Gang, new and old members, Harry, and Remus were sitting in the newly cleaned family room; everyone was occupied with something. Hermione, Willow, and Ginny were pouring one of the texts that the old witch Circe given Buffy and Willow. Xander was trying to teach Fred, George, Ron, and Remus how to play poker. Buffy was sharpening swords, daggers, and knives against a whetstone while watching Harry, who stared back at her.

Dawn watched as Buffy and Harry eyed each other warily. Despite his promise, Harry had yet to apologize, not to the Scooby Gang and not to Hermione or the Weasleys.

Needless to say, things were tense. Buffy had taken a personal offense to Harry’s arrival rant and the fact that he hadn’t apologized to Hermione and Ron made it worse. A cranky and pissed off Slayer wasn’t a pleasant one. Dawn could attest to that and if Harry would accept her warnings, she would feel better.

Buffy’s hostility towards Harry set everyone on edge. The predator that was the Slayer had been lurking beneath the surface. Even Willow was hesitant to approach and speak to Buffy about it. And that was odd, ever since the First had been defeated, Willow would be the first person to confront everyone, especially Buffy, about any problems.

“Why haven’t you apologized yet?” Buffy asked, interrupting the silence.

The original Scooby Gang tensed at the tone of her voice. It was misleadingly casual; Buffy sounded like she was asking about the weather, but they knew that tone. It was the tone she used when fighting against vampires.

“Buffy,” Willow warned; her voice tense and worried.

“Not now, Willow. I asked you a simple question Harry,” Buffy said, never taking her eyes off the green-eyed youth.

Glaring, Harry straightened up in his seat. “You’ve got no right, no right at all, to tell me what to do or to question me. You have no idea what I’ve been through, what I’m going through. You don’t understand. Why don’t you . . . ”
“Harry!” Remus cried throwing down his cards and standing. “Ms. Summers, I want to speak with you, now. Harry, I’ll get to you later.”

Everyone stopped what they were doing. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but Willow motioned for silence. Remus had never used that tone of voice with Buffy and he had not used her surname since they first meet. Willow wasn’t sure how her friend was going to take Remus’ interference.

“Ms. Summers, come with me.” Remus commanded.

Willow, Dawn, Xander, Hermione, and the Weasleys all watched with avid interest, waiting and wanting to see how Buffy would respond to such an obvious command. No one, commanded Buffy.

Green eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, watching the man, no it was not the man, who had commanded her; it was the werewolf. As the Slayer rose inside of Buffy, her scent subtly changed; it was a warning to the werewolf. To the man, who seemed to have forgotten that it just wasn’t Buffy residing in the shell of flesh, blood, and bones.

Remus noted the change in Buffy’s scent right away. Her usual scent was of summer and sunshine of life, but he noticed the swift change to autumn, to night, and to death. It wasn’t completely Buffy anymore, the Slayer had risen from it’s hiding place and lurked just beneath the surface of Buffy’s humanity and civility.

“Buffy would you please come with me?”

This time Remus made it a request and not a command. She didn’t even bother to answer; Buffy merely nodded and left the family room. Remus followed the women out of the room.

For a few moments, the room remained tense, but soon enough the Scooby Gang and Harry quickly went back to what they had been doing.

“I thought that Buffy and Harry would get along,” Dawn whispered to Willow.

She was careful to keep her voice down. No one needed to overhear her and Willow’s conversation.

Sighing, Willow lowered her head in disappointment. “I thought so too. I think that the way Harry’s acting is reminding Buffy of the way she’s acted in the past. It’s probably unsettling.”

“We’ve dealt with all of that. She’s apologized and we’ve forgiven her. The past is the past,” Dawn responded, her brown creasing in confusion.

“We didn’t apologize for out part in it,” Willow pointed out softly.

It was something that had been at the back of her mind ever since they had defeated the First, but more important issues had always taken precedence over putting everything to rest. Willow watched as Dawn processed the information, watched as the younger Summers’ eyes widened in horror and guilt.

“We have to apologize. Buffy was right, good guys aren’t very good at communication,” Dawn said.

“There’s always room for improvement. We’ll speak with Buffy later. Right now, let Remus speak with her,’ Willow responded and soothingly rubbed Dawn’s arm. “I’ll speak with Xander after he’s lost to George and Fred.”

*******
Remus followed Buffy up to the room she shared with her sister and Willow. He had spent many seconds, hours, and days with Buffy, but someone was usually with them: Dawn, Willow, Hermione, or Ginny. Sometimes it felt like they were chaperoning.

“Whatever you have to say Remus, you better make it quick,” Buffy snapped the moment the door shut behind him.

Arching a thin, brown eyebrow at the angry and righteous woman standing a few feet away from him, Remus finally understood why the Scoobies occasionally found her infuriating. Despite her flaws, Buffy was a good person, she just needed to be corrected and shown her mistakes in a constructive way. Remus had a feeling the Scooby Gang had never been too constructive in their criticism of each other. They most likely judged, pretended to forgive, and held a grudge.

“I don’t have all day, Remus” Buffy prodded with an impatient tap of her foot.

“No interruptions. I have been nothing, but respectful to you; I ask the same of you. You’re pushing Harry away because he’s a reminder of how you used to treat your friends and still occasionally do. It’s a hurtful. I do know from speaking with Rupert that everything has been forgiven and put away,” Remus said. “You’re here not only to protect Harry, but to help him. Prodding, snipping, and bullying him is only going to push him away. Buffy, you are a good person, but you and the others can’t see beyond what you think is right. Of all the people I have ever met, Buffy, you should know that the world isn’t black or white.”

Taking a step away from Remus, Buffy crossed her arms and looked away. He was right, completely right.

“You know I’m right,” Remus stated, correctly guessing what his friend was thinking. “Why are you pushing . . .”

A vulnerable look flashed briefly in her eyes. She was hesitant to tell him, but she had made a promise to communicate with the Scooby Gang. And Remus was now a Scooby.

“The past three years have been more than I could bear. I didn’t make it three years ago,” Buffy said, vaguely alluding to her death. “After I came back, well, I and everyone else barely made it. I pushed everyone away. I didn’t learn names. I was a horrible leader. And now, now, Dumbledore wants me to help Harry. Why? I’m not a good leader. I’ve made so many mistakes. It’s my fault that so many people are de . . .”

“Do not finish that thought! Don’t you dare!” Remus cried.

Moving quickly, Remus pulled Buffy into a tight hug. The Slayer stood stiffly for a few minutes, until her scent changed and it was Buffy relaxing and leaning into him, letting him support her.

“You are not at fault for anything that happened. Yes, you made mistakes. Buffy, you are young. The young, especially, make mistakes. Adults make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. From what I understand, the last three years on the Hellmouth – every one of the Scoobies made mistakes. The mess you all found yourselves in does not rest solely upon your shoulders. The Scoobies expect you to lead, but when you try, they toss you to the wolves. Knowing you a for these few months, I can tell you don’t think your plans through. You rely too much on instinct and not enough on others. That has to stop. I won’t let you do it. It puts others in danger and it puts you in danger.”

Pulling away, Buffy tilted her head back until she could look into Remus’ eyes. Something had just occurred to her.

“What do you mean what Giles told you?” Buffy asked, a dark look settling in her eyes, briefly lightened by understanding. “Giles told you everything didn’t he, everything about our history.”

*******
Entering their room, Willow and Dawn glanced at each other before moving to sit on either side of Buffy; who was lying down and staring blankly up at the ceiling.

“Buffy can we talk?” Willow requested.

Dawn reached out and began to run her fingers through her sister’s hair. They both relaxed when Buffy let out a sigh and leaned toward her sister.

“Later, okay. Right now, I just want to be here with you two,” Buffy responded.

Willow and Dawn shared a look before they both nodded in agreement. In the next moment, Buffy had pulled her best friend and sister tight against her. She struggled to hold back her tears.

She couldn’t tell them about Giles’ betrayal. She had promised to keep the lines of communication open with them. It was important, if they didn’t want to backside. But a part of her, a large part of her, didn’t want them to be hurt by what Giles had done. They had suffered enough disappointments. There was no need to add to the landfill.

*******

“Do you want to push them away?” Buffy asked, as she slipped into the dimly lighted family room. “‘Cause you’re doing a supreme job if that’s your goal. A couple more screaming matches and you’ll have it accomplished.”

She stared at Harry, the Boy Who Lived, as he sat forlornly and grumpily in a hideously upholstered, wing back chair. She was curious to know what Faith had said to the kid, but she had stayed away because Harry seemed to dislike and mistrust her. So she had held back a very long week and a half. All of that changed, though, when Harry said something nasty to Hermione that had her coming into the room crying she shared with Willow and Dawn.

“You don’t understand.”

“I understand everything with perfect clarity,” Buffy snapped.

She knew that she should have patience, but she found that she couldn’t find it for Harry. No, it’s not the she couldn’t find patience for Harry; it’s more like she wouldn’t find it. He was screwing up exactly like she had for the past seven years; she didn’t know him, but she wouldn’t let Harry do what she did – not if she could stop him.

“I understand everything with perfect clarity,” Buffy repeated, moving so she stood directly in front of Harry. “You’re unhappy, frightened, and extremely pissed about what life has dealt you. You fell alone and when you’re with Ron, Hermione or anyone else – you feel more alone than ever. You want to be with them, rely on them, but you push them away because they can’t fully comprehend what you’re going through and you want them to be safe.”

Kneeling in front of the green-eyed boy, Buffy reached out and clasped his hands in hers. When Harry tried to look away, she reached out and grabbed his chin, forcing eye contact.

“Trust me, I did what you’re doing for seven years. No, Ron and Hermione aren’t going to completely understand what you’re going through, but you know what, that doesn’t matter. You won’t survive if you push them away and disconnect from them, from the world. I’m at my best when I have my friends, my family, my Scoobies and when I’m connected with them. I just realized it. It took me seven long years, but I finally got it. It’s not healthy, but the Scooby Gang needs each other to survive. And you are going to need Ron, Hermione, and everyone else to survive. And they need you," Buffy said, softly.

Harry watched as Buffy rose and walked out of the room without sparing him another glance. Faith had said to trust in Buffy, to trust in the Scooby Gang, and that they were the best, despite all of their flaws.

*******
The moment she shut the door to the family room, Willow, Xander, and Dawn stepped from around the corner. Willow and Dawn’s eyes were red and puffy, while Xander had a soft look in his eyes that she had never seen before.

“And our Buffy returns to us,” Xander stated. “We’ve been waiting.”

“What?” asked Buffy.

“Since Glory, since mom died. You left us. You were there with us, physically, but it wasn’t you. Then with everything else these past two years . . .” Dawn trailed off, unsure about how to finish her thought.

“I don’t get it. We’ve worked things out,” Buffy responded, she was getting utterly confused.

Smiling softly, Willow reached out and clasped Buffy’s hands in hers. “What you just said to Harry that was the real you. There was no command, righteousness. There was simply the truth. That’s the Buffy, Xander and I first met and fell for. You’re back, really back. For so long, we’ve only dealt with the Slayer, but never simply Buffy. Oh we saw glimpses of you now and then, but she came and went – just Buffy never stayed.”

Pulling away from Willow, a defensive look settled over her features. “I had a . . .”

“You had a duty. You lived on the Hellmouth. Your first priority was to defend the world.” Xander said for his friend. “Even though we’ve been friends with you for seven years, we didn’t get it. And we’re sorry.”

“I could have explained. I could have tried harder, but I pushed all of you away. Even when I was with you guys, I felt alone. I felt unconnected. I should have told you, explained. And then maybe things between us wouldn’t have gotten so bad. I’m sorry.” Buffy responded.

*******
The grandfather clock struck midnight. Everyone was asleep, except for the two occupants standing in the living room. An angry, hurt tension hung oppressively in the room.

Giles had never seen Buffy look so cold, not even when he and Robin had conspired to kill Spike. In the pale moonlight, his Slayer, his girl, look untouchable, unreachable, like she was cold from skin to soul. Even her gaze, iced over eyes. There would be no reaching her, not when she was like this.
“Bastard,” Buffy spat.

“They had to know . . .”

“No excuses! I don’t want to hear any of your damn excuses! You betrayed all of us! How long did you wait? Are our problems simply too much for you to bear by yourself? Parading our failures about, none of them was there! They had no context, but I doubt that mattered to you. Shoving us off on others because you don’t want to deal with us,” Buffy growled out.

Giles backed away. He had never seen Buffy like this. She was detached when she was first brought back and unintentionally cruel, but everything, words to look, was calculated.

“That’s enough!” Giles yelled and before he knew it, he leaped forward and slapped her with everything he had.

He watched as Buffy stumbled back from him, more out of shock than his actual hit.

Eyes widening with surprise, Buffy stared at him, her Watcher. Giles had hit her!

“Buffy . . .” Giles said, pleadingly as he moved towards his Slayer, his girl.

“No, I was out of line,” Buffy said and gracefully slipped out of his reach. “I was out of line. When are you leaving? You are leaving aren’t you? You’re leaving like you did . . . We’re too much. I’m too much.”

Giles stood rooted to the spot. He couldn’t grasp his Slayer’s sudden emotional swing. One minute she frozen and unreachable, but now she was vulnerable, fragile almost.

“Buffy, no . . .”

“Don’t leave, please! Please don’t leave! I don’t want to do this without you, without any of you, but especially you! Please don’t leave,” Buffy cried.

Finally, Buffy allowed Giles to pull into a tight hug. He wasn’t sure what the hell was happening. He wondered if something had actually happened the day she, Willow, George, and Fred had went to Diagon Alley and the consequences weren’t coming to a head, until now.

Giles was so involved in comforting Buffy, he didn’t notice Remus and Sirius standing in the doorway. Concern and understanding etched into their faces. They stood listening to their friend as he muttered: ‘I’m not leaving. I’ll never leave you.’