I own none of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters or the Firefly characters. They all belong to Joss Whedon.




"Sir, we have a problem," Zoe said as soon as he got back on Serenity.

Mal sighed. "We always have one of those."

"Well this one is about our new passenger."

"What about her?"

"Help!" Jayne yelled. "Somebody tell this crazy woman to let me go!"

Mal groaned and followed the sound of Jayne's yelling. To his surprise, he found the large mercenary being held upside down by their new blue haired passenger.

"In my time you were the muck of my feet!" Illyria yelled. "You trembled in fear as I crushed your puny bodies. And now, you have the audacity to dare touch me?"

"What happened?" Mal asked Simon.

Simon looked at him, completely deadpan. "Apparently Illyria doesn't like her butt smacked."

"Grommit Mal, tell her to put me down!" shouted Jayne.

"The demon shakes the girl," River said quietly. "Makes her scream."

Mal rubbed his eyes tiredly. "That's it. I'm done taking passengers. Illyria, put Jayne down and then come with me. We have to talk."

Illyria dropped Jayne. "Alright," she said. She walked out of the kitchen and headed to the cargo bay. "I'm ready to have intercourse."

Mal turned deep red and followed her out, leaving his laughing crew behind.