#1 Homework Assistance

title: Homework Assistance
tth ffa pairing: #2111 Cordelia Chase/Luna Lovegood
warnings: see title. Cordy. Shifu. Luna. Luna's DADA assignment
timeline notes:: Post-War, Luna's 7th year, Early September in HP verse. (Cordelia and Shifu aren't bothering with any sort of time consistancy, just hopping and seeing where they land)


~Friday Afternoon~

"Okay...got any clue where we are, Shifu?" Cordelia said looking around. Well, this had possibilities for interesting and probably more for creepy weird dangerous but they were already technically dead and spells meant for ghosts didn't hurt them so...still better than staring at the walls in the little bubble of tranquility or whatever the Ascended wanted to call their sit around with their thumbs up their butt's place.

"I'm not certain, I think we're about five realities left of home though." Shifu said thoughtfully looking around at where they landed after the rather blind jump they'd made.

"Worried about getting lost?"

"Oompa will find us if only to drag us back and lecture for a century," Shifu huffed.

Cordelia grinned.

"What?"

Cordelia's grin widened.

"She's this stupid she deserves to be called Oompa," Shifu muttered every bit as petulantly as Zayn when being denied a popsicle before dinner.

"You're at Hogwarts."

Cordelia and Shifu both turned and looked at the slightly googly-eyed blonde girl standing there.

"Hogwarts doesn't ring any bells"

"You have bells, too?" the girl looked absolutely fascinated

"Nooo," Cordelia said slowly. "I mean I've never heard of Hogwarts"

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Mojo high huh?" Cordelia said looking around again. "Cool."

"I'm Luna Lovegood. I'm a Seventh Year, Ravenclaw House."

"I'm Cordelia Chase, and this is Shifu Jackson." Cordelia managed, very proud of herself for not remarking on the porn star quality of that name. The porn star thought brought about by the further "education" of Rya'c and Connor by Xander and Jon, though that could have been as much for the huff and puff factor of Wesley being caught in on some of it to his mortification. And the hilarity of Teal'c joining them, dead serious about his commentary and fascination with Tau'ri perversions. Xander and Jon had had all they could do not to bust a gut and Wesley had nearly had a heart attack, probably would have if he'd known Cordy had been invisible in the corner rolling her eyes and silently giggling at it all. Hey a girl had to have some kind of entertainment...

Shifu glanced around the courtyard area...staring up the walls of the castle. By the look of what he could see it was a place many of his ancestors would happily have called one of their residences, with the proper defensises and technology incorporated of course...

Cordelia's eyes narrowed at the pair of giggling girls that walked by giving Luna a strange look.

"Who is she talking to? There's no one there!" the first girl sneered in a meant-to-be-overheard-"whisper" as they passed.

"Oh Merlin, she is soooo strange! I can't believe she's friends with Harry Potter!" the second girl said with a look of disbelieving jealousy and derision.


"School Bitch Queens?"

"Marigold Summers and Eugenie Hazelton, Sixth Years Eugenie is in Ravenclaw, Marigold in Gryffindor."

"School Bitch Queens. I know. I was one." Cordelia nodded. "You're a Willow...aren't you?"

"I'm a Witch."

Cordelia managed not to groan. Yeah. A Willow only maybe worse. A lot more of the weird and the dork than the brainy geek even if yeah..definitely brainy geek by the stack of books Luna had spread around her, and the impression that she was enjoying being in the middle of the mess of books and papers, definintely a brainy geek.

"Treatise on Vampire Rights?" Shifu murmured looking down at the books on top. "Defensive Spells for Dark Creatures of the Amazon?"

"Our new DADA professor is trying to decide what we know and what we don't since we've had a lot of really bad professors. My first year was Professor Lockhart..his books are good, but he was a fraud and generally looking in a mirror. My second year was professor Lupin who was very good, but wasn't allowed to continue teaching because he's a werewolf and forgot his potion on the Moon. The Death Eater impersonating Mad Eye Moody was my third year. My fourth year was Professor Umbridge. She was a Ministry Toadie. It either didn't exist or you were to runaway and summon an auror. Last year was...Professor Nickelbury who was under the imperious cast by Lucius Malfoy and didn't even last the full year trying to kill Harry and Neville. We had Hagrid for a substitute the rest of the year. This year we have Professor Shacklebolt, who's a retired Auror and a War Hero and quite disgusted at the lack of proper education. Several of us know some advanced spells Harry taught us in the DA and I know a bit more than that."

Shifu sat down looking curiously at the titles.

"You're as bad a geek as Daniel." Cordelia snorted fondly.

Shifu smiled. "Thank you for the compliment."

"So DADA?" Cordelia asked with a slight shrug sitting down as well. They were supposed to be learning after all. Why not learn about Mojo high? Certainly more entertaining than meditating in the middle of sanctomonious peace and harmony. Oompa brought out her inner five year old and she knew it. That woman drove her nuts though.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Cordelia worked for a Vampire Detective when she was alive," Shifu offered.

"A Vampire Detective," Luna gushed, then blinked. "So you're just ordinary ghosts?"

"Will Ascended Beings from another reality make you feel better?"

The grin that spread across Luna's face was blinding, the lopsided blonde pony tail bobbed as she nodded and the slightly googly eyes got even...googlier.


~*~


Professor Shacklebolt was going to be absent the next two weeks, he had to testify at a number of trials being an Auror until just recently. Shifu's brain hurt at the most non-linear, criss-crossed, backtracked, skipped forward, gone in circles accounting of a war with an Evil Wizard and his followers. Cordelia followed it well enough, which amazed Shifu, but with a second thought he supposed Xander and Faith would have followed most of that and probably Buffy, Dawn, and Willow as well.

"Same old same old." Cordelia nodded. "So you're like the Mojo High version of a Scooby?" Even knowing a massive chunck of the basic "Scooby" history, Shifu found Cordelia's explanations of Slayers and Souled Vampires and High School on the Hellmouth almost as headache inducing as Luna's recounting of the last several years of the Wizarding War. Complete with side tracking to define muggles and the differences of "magical" worlds.

Luna smiled. "I wonder if Muggles have Scooby Doo here. I'll have to ask Hermione when I owl her. I suppose Hermione and Ron were Harry's Scoobies...Neville, Ginny and I sort of followed along as well."

"So what exactly is your assignment?" Shifu asked.

"We'll I've got it partially done. Professor Shacklebolt handed out bespelled journals." Luna made a face. "Probably just as well Ginny isn't returning to school til closer to the Winter Holidays."

Cordelia winced at the tale of Ginny and the diary of Tom Riddle. "She's going to be okay?"

Luna nodded. "She's doing much better. It's only been a few weeks. She should make a full recovery."

"So..what do you do with the bespelled journals?"

"Truth spells what's on them. First part is to list what dark creatures we remember covering in class, and dark spells. I added a third list of dark potions and poisons. That wasn't from class but I spent a lot of time researching them last year. The second part is as complete of a listing as possible of defensive spells that you've learnt the spell but can't cast. Can manage to cast on occasion, can cast passably more oft than not, and have mastered in that order. I think I have that covered well enough as too. If I've forgotten something..."

"This looks pretty impressive to me." Cordelia said thumbing through the filled pages of the journal Luna offered her.

Luna shrugged. "I was in the DA my fourth and fifth years and helped Harry last year."

"Gotcha," Cordelia nodded.

"And the third part of the assignment?"

"Five Essays. Ten feet each," Luna tapped the scrolls. "I can't find anything interesting to do the last four on. I've one on Werewolves done." she shrugged.

"Forty feet of writing?" Cordelia blinked. "When's it due?"

"We got the assignment yesterday. It's due two weeks from yesterday."

"And you're..."

"Nothing better to do," Luna shrugged. "And I've my lessons due for Monday and Tuesday done."

"You need to eat...and it's getting dark."

"Think I've already missed supper but we can get something from the kitchens. And go to the Room of Requirement..."

~*~

"MISSY!!!! What is Missy wanting, Folly be getting Missy---Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" the House-Elf broke off glowing green tennisball sized eyes going even bigger as it dropped to it's knees cowering. "Folly is being so so so sorry for not noticing the Great Ones so sorry don't be killing Folly please!"

Shifu's jaw dropped and he pressed closer to Cordelia slightly unnerved. Cordelia put a hand around the boy's shoulder and stared as all the weird little things started going into almost hysterics. "STOP!" Cordelia shouted. Dead silence other than knobby knees knocking together crashed down on the room. "We're not the Great One's you're spooking over. I'm Cordy, he's Shifu and we're not killing anyone, we're helping Luna with her homework is all."

A lot of grovelling snivelling and squeaking from the House Elves later Shifu came to the conclusion an insane wizard once upon a time managed to about one-quarter ascend and half turn himself demonic as well, which explained the House Elves reactions to some extent. Evidently House Elf kits were told the stories of the Great Ones to make their little ears tremble in the way of all "Scary Monster Will Get You If You're Bad" type stories.

"What? You're looking all thinky." Cordelia looked down at Shifu as they headed out of the kitchens toward the Room of Required whatever...

"World domination and subjugating populations would be very tedious. All that grovelling would get really really boring. Even more than meditation."

Cordelia grinned. "I firgued that out back in good old Sunnyhell when I told off Harmony and publically amditted dating Xander."

~*~

"Huh that sounds interesting," Cordelia raised an eyebrow at the explanation of the Room of Requirement and how it would "set" itself to whatever needed.

"Oh I like this!" Luna murmured looking around the room as they entered it. Books shelves lined the visible walls and rows and rows of shelves went almost out of sight. There was a huge round table with a dozen chairs about it. A large squishy sofa and few squishy chairs and low tables. Even a low platform that wasn't exactly a bed but covered with a huge squishy mattress and lots of fluffy pillows.



~Hogwarts, Monday Morning~

"Oh my, oh my, this isn't good..." Filius Flitwick murmured to himself as he made his way up the stairs to Headmistress McGonagall's office. "Minerva...we have an emergency, no one seems to know where Luna Lovegood is. She missed her Ancient Runes class. She's not in the hospital wing and none of the Ravenclaw sixth years in my 2nd period Charms class remembered seeing her all weekend."

"What class does she have now?"

Filius blinked. "Oh my...Advanced Arithmancy, I believe."

Minerva went to the fireplace and threw a bit of floo poweder in "Professor Vector"

"Headmistress?"

"Is Miss Lovegood in class?"

"Tardy, but present, yes."

"I see. Please inform Miss Lovegood that Professor Flitwick would like to speak with her after her last class today."

"Of course."

Filius wilted back in against one of the chairs. "Oh my stars, at least she's safe and it's nothing nefarious."

"Perhaps you should check the attendance sheets to see if there were any other sixth or seventh years unexplainably absent first period." Minerva suggested wryly.




~Two Weeks Later~

"Filius, can you check the spellwork on these scrolls."

"Of course, Kingsley..."

"Standard non plagarism and truth spells."

Filius blinked a moment. Well, not standard as far as Hogwarts but a good number of Ministry documents were written on such bespelled parchment and scrolls especially written confessions and testimony transcriptions. "The spellwork is quite well done, your own work Kingsley?"

Kingsley nodded, frowning.

"Whatever is the matter?"

"The lists of potions and poisons...I need to talk to Slughorn to even see what three fourths of them are. Miss Lovegood says it's mostly pertaining to research done on Harry's behalf last term. You should take a look at this...the first essay is on standard Werewolves and slightly rehashed but nothing less than a very excellent comprehension of the condition and how the condition effects the physical health of the afflicted as well as a fair grasp of the Wolfsbane and it's effects, and side effects. The second paper is on an energy convergence called a Hellmouth. The third paper is on demonic vampires. the fourth is on a demonically cursed sort of werewolf that changes three nights a month and apparantly can control the afliction with meditation in Tibet. The fifth is on vampire slayers. The journal is filled up with random notes on assorted demons and...beings from other planets that apparantly qualify as dark creatures in another reality. A House Elf legend about the 'Great Ones' and Ascended Beings, and the Poophead Powers that Be. "