Butt of All the Jokes by Infinix

“I’m sorry Xander but your freakishness just turns me off,” the irony of an ex-vengeance demon, with a millennia of experience dating other demons, calling him freakish was not lost on Xander.

“Of all the things I could have gotten stuck with, it wasn’t heightened senses, super strength, extra durability or even cool looking eyes but this.” His tone conveyed quiet clearly how he felt about his “condition.”

Anya continued on with what was obviously a prepared speech, “Really if you would just never come near me again that would be great.”

It could only be the Harris luck that allowed him to find the one thing that turned off his capitalist nymphomaniac girlfriend, ‘It’s not like I’m a wererabbit.’

“Really anytime I would see you I wouldn’t be able to get it out of my head and that would throw off my ability to achieve orgasms with whoever I decide will give me them.”

Yeah this couldn’t get worse.

“Possibly Giles, he is reasonably well put together for a man his age and with his past as a rebellious youth he most likely has plenty of sexual experience.”

Ah it got worse.

“But really who has ever heard of a werebaboon before? Changing from human to baboon, it’s lame.”

She was right of course, even the highly entertaining pastime of slinging poop with impunity had the downside of having to scrape under your nails after transforming back

Really not only was his girlfriend, who he had been getting ready to propose to, dumping him but she was contemplating trading him for his high school librarian. Then there was the giggling that inevitably came anytime Buffy, Willow or Dawn saw him. He had even walked in on Buffy while she was rolling around on the ground laughing and looking like she had been there for a few minutes. Dawn’s offers to kiss it to make it better weren’t much help. He was also one step away from finally staking Spike. Spike had decided that making up new nicknames and jokes about the fact that, even in human form, Xander’s ass was bright red was the bleached vampire’s new favorite pastime.

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I don’t own this. Unbeta’d. Thanks go to Nerdgirl for starting this which gives me something to write that keeps me from thinking about the fact that all my work for 4PotA was lost when everything from the hard drive to the motherboard to the CPU fans on my computer fried. If I get the motivation I will start this week rewriting the four chapters I had in varying stages of completion. Oh and my apologies to Xander for doing this to him.