Chapter 5

Disclaimer :
Still not mine. Never will be.


xXx

Chapter 5

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Something had gone terribly wrong.

Xander had finally been able to squeeze in some free time, and decided to give Faith a visit. Knowing, thanks to an intimate encounter, exactly where she lived, he turned up at her door and finagled his way inside. She seemed bothered by his presence, but he brushed it off at first as being uncomfortable around him due to the awkward circumstances of his last visit, as well as the shadows surrounding the deputy mayor’s death.

At first.

As the conversation progressed, he noticed she was only paying slight attention to what he was saying. It would have completely slipped him by before but, with the new lessons he’d been getting on reading body language and other telltale signs of stress, he could see them plain as day.

Faith had fallen.

It was a thousand tiny things. The way she moved her hands, how her eyes wouldn’t meet his, the distance she kept between them. The way she reacted to some of the news he gave her, her replies to some of his queries. The signs were there for those who knew how to read them. She had slipped into darkness, and something had found her.

Looking at the fake smirk on her face, at the false cheer at his presence, it hurt him.

Xander knew, with the realisations that had allowed him to move on with the training – both physical and mental, that if he’d been there for her, she might not have fallen. She could have been saved. Now, she was so far lost she couldn’t even see the light, and didn’t even realise what had happened. He could only hope that she might yet be turned back towards good, otherwise she’d need to be put down.

And much as it would rend his soul, as much as it would scar him, he knew he would do it without a qualm.

For he didn’t matter.

But for now, he needed to pump her for information. And he thanked god yet again that no-one had discovered his other life. With that knowledge hidden, Faith would never see him as he truly was, never make the connection between the many things he asked her, the small facts she was letting slip, never realising he was a threat to her existence.

It was to his profound relief when, after about twenty minutes, she mentioned she had to be somewhere and she needed him to go. Not once had her body language changed. Nothing had changed with him, at least in her eyes. So bidding her a cheery farewell, he left and moseyed away, trying not to show how desperately he wanted to run to his allies.

Plans must be made.

xXx

“Xander? What are you doing here? We’re scheduled to meet at the graveyard, remember?”

“Mac, I’ve got two things to say to you. One, We have a serious problem with Faith. Two, I’ve told you before – call me Walker.”

Worry at anything that could create concern with the other slayer caused the older man’s face to stiffen, while the rebuke over the name brought a slight flush to his cheeks.

It had not been even two days before Xander had returned to them, wishing to continue their instruction, but almost instantly they saw he was a changed man. He had lost none of his humour, but had gained a new drive and determination that had managed to scare his teachers on more than one occasion.

Mac couldn’t help but think on the conversation they had when he first returned.

xXx

“So what made up your mind?”

Xander glanced over at the Sergeant as he strapped on some weights, and considered his answer.

“I did what you said. I went to school, hung out with my friends, explored my reasons. And I figured out why.

“Ever since Buffy came to town, every demonic creature with the slightest interest in the Hellmouth has had my name. In effect, she put me on the front lines of a war without my realising it – but don’t get me wrong, if given the choice I would choose to do this anyway. The thing is…”

Xander paused for a second, staring off into space, then shrugged.

“I’m going to die. Being human makes that inevitable. Living on the Hellmouth just means it’ll come sooner. But helping out the way I do, the way I can. Doing this with you, training myself up, it means when I do finally fall I get the added bonus of taking my enemies with me, instead of being just one more casualty.”

Mac stared at him, not quite able to believe the calm and fatalistic way the kid had just discussed his own death.

“Doesn’t that bother you? I mean, most people would do anything to get even one more hour of life, but you… you don’t seem to care”

“Oh come on, sir, everyone knows shit happens. It’ll just happen to me a bit sooner than it happens to everyone else. You just have to look at my home life to see the truth.”

Standing up, having finished getting ready, he nodded at his mentor briefly before starting his workout, leaving a slightly worried man behind him.

Mac watched the retreating back, and felt a pang of sorrow. A part of their investigations had covered Xander’s family, and it had not been pretty, but it was clear that Xander himself – though greatly disliking it – didn’t see anything wrong with it. He actually thought it was normal. Mac though, knew parents should never treat their kids the way they treat him.

But because of his treatment, the way Xander saw the world was different to everyone else’s. In all his years, Mac had never met anyone so upbeat, so kind-hearted, who at the same time had almost no sense of self-worth. Xander truly considered himself a nonentity, and felt that his death wouldn’t even raise a blip on anyone’s radar.

As such, his willingness to train, to improve himself, to make his life better, had nothing to do with him – it all revolved about those he cared about.

As long as they were alright, he didn’t give a damn about himself.

That more than anything, made Mac determined that not only would he see to it that Xander survived – he would flourish. If it took everything he had, Mac would ensure that Xander lived long enough to realise how important he truly was, and how important he was to those around him.

Sergeant Mackenzie Bryce swore to himself, in the privacy of his own soul, that come hell or high water, Xander Harris would live.

xXx

Yet as well as the newfound determination, there was one other thing he had also returned with. The desire to be known as Walker from then on.

His reason had been simple. If he was going to be a hunter he needed a name, something that would instil fear into the hearts, or what passed for hearts, of the demons he fought. A name he would spread throughout the underworld, one that would eventually, he hoped, be as notorious as Slayer. But a name that would eventually make its way back to the slayer.

It was vital that Xander’s new identity remained a secret from his friends. If they found out, there was no knowing how far they’d go to ‘protect’ him.

Unfortunately, it had proven harder than first thought to achieve. Not because the name chosen was hard to remember, but because Mac kept forgetting to call him by it. For the most part Xander found it highly amusing that the big, tough, professional soldier, the man who was giving him lessons on secrecy, was consistently screwing up this one little task and calling him by the wrong name.

But sometimes, it was just irritating.

Reaching the empty mess hall, they took a pair of seats out of the way and Xander leant forward. “Mac, I think we’ve lost her. Faith. I think she gone.”

Mac’s eyes narrowed, as he gazed at the distraught young man before him. It was clear to him, using the very knowledge of body language he was passing on, that Xander and Faith had something of a history together. To understand, properly, what was so worrying, he needed the story to be clear.

“Xander, listen to me. I need you to calm down and tell me what happened, exactly what happened. Explain your reasoning. This is too important to make a mistake over. Xander, focus.”

Breathing deeply, cleansing himself of his panic and worry, Xander let his heart slow and his thoughts organise. Mac was right. Giving the information haphazardly would only confuse the issue, and could endanger them all the more if he’d misconstrued the signs. Finally calm, he gazed at the man who’d rapidly filled the void in his life of a mentor, and began to explain.

xXx

Silence.

After having gone through it all, with probing questions from Mac bringing up things he’d completely missed, they now sat quietly. Xander in worry, and Mac in contemplation.

At last, Mac raised his head, and gazed at the other. Xander met his gaze eagerly, only for the hope to die at the sorrow in the older man’s eyes. “I’m sorry Xander, but you’re right. Faith’s lost. With what you’ve told me, a number of the rumours I’ve been hearing have been cleared up.

“I’m sorry, but I think she’s the Mayor’s new lieutenant. His new pet killer. I…” Seeing that Xander was about to protest he raised his hand and forestalled him, “Xander, trust me. If she’s willing to turn to an evil like the Mayor, then even if you’d managed to get to her, it’s unlikely you could have saved her. I know you cared for her, but at this time, you have to consider her a casualty of war.

“And if you meet her during a patrol, you’re going to have to put her down like any other soulless animal.”

He could see the pain on Xander’s face, the need to cry out, to rail against what had happened, to fight against the inevitable. But he did none of it. Instead the tension slowly drained out of the man, and he slumped in his seat, his head drooping at knowing someone he could have cared about deeply, was lost to him.

Letting the younger man mourn, Mac sat there, saying nothing, just giving comfort by his presence. Eventually Xander’s head rose. His eyes still held the pain of loss, but were also filled with a great rage. A rage that could only be quenched in the blood of his enemies.

Standing up, Xander strode silently from the building to begin his hunt, not caring about the shadow that followed him, to help him only if he needed it.

xXx

It wasn’t fucking fair.

The one time he really needed something to kill – not to protect his friends, not to save the world, but simply to cause as much carnage as possible – he couldn’t find a single vamp. Three cemeteries. Not a single enemy. He would’ve screamed, but with his luck he’d scare off anything lurking nearby.

Now he found himself stalking through the alleyways that snaked throughout the town, hoping for a chance meeting. He was almost ready to give in and go home and brood, when he heard a bestial snarling followed by a cry of pain. With all the time he’d spent fighting, he recognised instantly the sound of a vampire’s attack.

A wolfish smile gracing his features, he moved towards the disturbance. Guess his luck was about to change.

Turning a corner, he found his targets. Drawing out a stake, he steadied himself in preparation, but froze as a horrifyingly familiar voice floated out of the darkness. Even as he watched disbelievingly, a lithe form moved into view, and he could have screamed from the pain that filled him.

Willow.

Willow… the vampire.

His heart was rent in two. She was dead. His best friend, the one who had stayed at his side through thick and thin. The only true friend of his childhood – dead. Turned.

Lost.

The fires of rage that had filled him a moment before were nothing to the flames that filled him now. His mind seemed to retreat as his lips peeled back and his face contorted into a grimace of hate. At any other time it would have been comical to see, but with the look in his eyes, the darkness that filled him, even Angelus would have paused.

He was moving without conscious will. The first vampire was dust without warning, the second following him with time only to gape. The third had time to swing a blow, one that seemed to be moving in almost slow motion for Xander. A blow he brushed aside with contemptuous ease, before sliding the stake in and out of its chest, leaving it to disintegrate behind him, ignored. At last standing motionless before her, a girl he realised he loved. His Willow.

“Xander.”

Even within the icy tomb of his heart, he could hear the coldness of death through the pleasure in her voice. The demonic entity that she had become knew him. He gazed upon her, seeing the small smile as she gazed back, he knew what he had to do. They had had long and difficult conversations in the past, in the very case that this ever happened.

He had a promise to keep.

“Willow, come here.”

His voice, gentle. His eyes, soft. Her smile widened as she entered his arms and buried herself in his scent.

“The world’s no fun anymore. I want it back the way it was. Help me, please?”

Gazing down into her dark eyes, he smiled tenderly as he slowly leant in. “Anything for you, Willow you know that. Time to rest.”

A flash of confusion in her eyes, that quickly disappeared as his lips softly met hers. Her eyes fluttered shut as the kiss deepened, and then it ended. Not with happiness, but with grief.

His teary eyes slowly opened to look through the rapidly settling dust that had been Willow Rosenberg.

“I’m sorry Willow, I’m so sorry.”

Falling to his knees, he finally let the tears fall, damping the few ashy remains of a girl he once knew.

xXx

End of Chapter 5

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Author’s Note :

I know, I’m cruel.

If it makes you feel any better, it makes me a little sad whenever I read this, and I’m the one who wrote it. And yes, a wee bit of a cliffy.

The next chapter is going to be a wee bit angst filled, considering how this one ended. So be prepared for a weepy.

Until next week.

Punster-Zero