Title: How to Save a Life
Fandom: BtVS/HP
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy or Harry Potter. The lyrics and title are from The Fray.
Pairing: Faith/Hermione
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Set after Buffy S7 and HBP, though no blatant spoilers.
Warnings: femmeslash, though nothing graphic
A/N: Response to FFA #1570.
A/N 2: I updated this with a new version, because I was just really unhappy with the previous version. Hopefully, this one’s better.

“Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.”
-The Fray

Taking a drag from her cigarette, Faith leaned over the railing of the balcony and looked out at the garden below. Weddings were definitely not her scene, but when you’ve been through a war with someone, and a few apocalypses, you’re expected to make some concessions. Once they had been able to put the past behind them, Buffy and Faith had become pretty good friends. So when Buffy called to tell her that Charlie Weasley had proposed, it was just understood that Faith would be at the wedding.

The Wizarding world was something Faith had managed to cut herself off from, almost entirely. She had never been very good at keeping in touch with people, and before Faith knew it, she had lost contact with most of her friends in the Wizarding community, including her best friend, Hermione Granger.

Even looking back on it now, years later, Faith couldn’t quite figure out how the two had become so close. They were total opposites in almost all respects. Despite the war, Hermione had retained her light and innocence, used her brains to get her out of situations, and always tried to find the good in everyone. Faith had seen too much and done too much to see herself as anyone’s beacon of light and hope. She was always ready to fight her way out of anything, and had no problem telling people exactly what she thought, no matter who it hurt. As Xander once told her, when put next to Hermione, Hogwart’s golden child, Faith looked more like the poster child of bad boys and girls everywhere.

But somehow they had clicked. Maybe it was because of Hermione’s desire to see the good in everyone. After a few weeks of head-butting, the two had settled into a comfortable rapport, eventually becoming inseparable. Faith brought Hermione out of her shell in a way that not even Harry and Ron could. In return, Hermione gave Faith something no one else had since Angel’s death, a friend that understood and didn’t judge.

She didn’t know where it happened, but somewhere along the way, Faith had fallen for Hermione. And she had fallen hard. But she was so afraid of rejection and losing the most important person in her life, she had kept quiet, only confiding in Buffy once. Buffy’s response had been “I always figured, if you fell in love, it would be loud and passionate, like you are about everything. I never expected it to be so silent.” After that, Faith never mentioned it again to anyone.

A few months later, Faith was injured in a Death Eater attack as she attempted to keep Harry, Ron, and Hermione safe long enough for Auror reinforcements to arrive. After about a week in St. Mungo’s, she was deemed well enough to return to Order Headquarters. For this, Faith received an Order of Merlin, second class. She was given the award at a small ceremony, but the only thing she really remembered about that night was the end of Hermione’s speech.

“There are many heroic people in this situation that deserve to be recognized. But Faith truly stands out above the rest. She’s here to fight for a world that doesn’t even recognize her as a member. But she still stands with us, along with her fellow Slayers. In a battle, she’s always the first in and the last out. Knowing her and fighting beside her is an honor. Calling her my friend is a privilege that I cannot express. My life is better for having known her.”

The love and respect the two women shared for each other was obvious to everyone in the room. But nothing ever came of it. Hermione had sat beside Faith for the rest of the night, holding her hand. When the ceremony was over, she gave Faith a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told her goodnight. That was the last time Faith saw her.

Hermione hadn’t been able to tell anyone, but she was being placed under the Fidelius Charm that night. The war was heating up, and as the Order’s top researcher, losing Hermione was a risk they could not afford to take. So instead, she was being hidden away, and Harry was the only one that would know of her whereabouts. Faith had been crushed. Lost without her best friend, she had thrown herself into the fight, never stopping to care for herself.

When Voldemort was killed a few months later, she had expected to be able to reunite with Hermione. But Harry had informed her that it was still too dangerous, that too many Death Eaters were still unaccounted for. With a broken spirit, Faith had merely nodded and walked away. Soon after, she requested a transfer from Giles and was reassigned immediately. By the time Hermione was let out of hiding, Faith had severed herself from most of her former acquaintances.

Three years had passed since the last time Hermione and Faith had spoken. It had taken a lot of time and energy, but Buffy had managed to track Faith down and invite her to the wedding. And now Faith stood outside, alone, both dreading and hoping to see Hermione. Her life had been good since the war, she had managed to stay out of trouble and find a way to be satisfied with her life, even if she wasn’t exactly happy. She just had to constantly remind herself that Hermione wasn’t the one the got away. She was the one that never was.

“You know, those things’ll kill you?”

Faith whipped around in shock, dropping her cigarette over the edge. She had been so deep in thought, she hadn’t even noticed anyone else step out on the balcony. As her eyes settled on the newcomer, Faith felt like her heart stopped. She hadn’t believed it possible, but Hermione was even more beautiful than she remembered. Her hair had grown longer and her face had filled out slightly, but other than that, she was exactly as Faith remembered her.

“Three years and you’re still criticizing my smoking habits.” Eyes locked on Hermione’s, Faith pulled another cigarette from the case and lit up.

“Three years and your smoking habits haven’t changed.” She moved closer and placed her hand on the balcony, barely brushing Faith’s.

A touch from anyone else would’ve had Faith jerking away. She had never been comfortable with human contact. But she couldn’t deny the way her body yearned to move closer to Hermione, or how her skin seemed to burn when she moved her hand closer. “What can I say? I never did well with change,” she croaked, her throat suddenly dry.

When Hermione stepped a little closer, Faith breathed deep, savoring her scent. With shining eyes, Hermione reached over to take Faith’s hand in her own. “I’ve missed you,” she said quietly.

“I missed you, too.”

“Then why haven’t I ever heard from you,” Hermione asked, eyes downcast.

Faith pulled her hand back as if burned and stepped away. Taking another drag from her cigarette, she shook her head. “Last I checked, owls fly both ways.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Hermione leaned back against the railing. “I didn’t figure you wanted to hear from me. Not after the way you disappeared so completely. I mean, do you realize it took Buffy nearly three weeks to track you down?”

“What do you want me to say?”

Hermione watched Faith pull another cigarette from the case and light it with the butt of the other one. Faith may have been a smoker, but Hermione knew that when she took to chain smoking, something was wrong. “I want you to tell me the truth,” she replied. “I want you to tell me why you left. Why I come out of hiding to find that my best friend has basically dropped off the face of the earth.”

“Because I didn’t have any reason to stay,” Faith ground out. “Because you left first.”

“I had to,” Hermione interrupted. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Faith plowed on, the only indication she had heard anything was the raise in her voice as she spoke over Hermione. “Because it broke my heart!”

Hermione didn’t know what to say.

“I loved you, ya know.”

“I know.”

Faith looked up in shock. “You know? Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

“I was afraid.” Hermione’s bottom lip quivered as she tried to find the words to explain herself. “The way I felt about you… I went against everything I knew at the time. It seemed like, as far as anyone was concerned, when the war was over, Harry would be with Ginny, and I would be with Ron. And then you show up, and everything I’ve imagined since I was 13 years old goes out the window. I mean, before you came along, I had never even been attracted to another woman.”

As Hermione spoke, Faith flicked her cigarette away and stepped closer to her, until personal space no longer existed. “Anything I ever felt for Ron was nothing compared to how I felt about you,” she continued, her voice low. “It didn’t matter that we had absolutely nothing in common, because you understood me, even when you didn’t agree with me.” She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “And I fell in love with you.”

Faith softly ran her hands up and down Hermione’s bare arms in a comforting gesture.

“How could I say anything? I’d never had any close female friends… Well, Ginny, but she was just like her brothers. I didn’t know if maybe I was reading you wrong, and then what if I was? I would’ve lost my best friend. So I kept my mouth shut, and I lost you anyway.”

Sighing, Faith shook her head. “You didn’t lose me,” she whispered. “I’m right here.” She placed a soft kiss on Hermione’s lips, only to feel the other woman pull away.

“No,” she said, sadly. “We can’t.” Hermione didn’t know where she found her resolve as she looked up into Faith’s wounded eyes, but she stood firm. “I’m sorry,” she said, tears slowly running down her cheeks.

“I don’t understand,” Faith whispered, the pain in her chest making it hard to speak any louder.

“I’m with Ron. We’ve been together for almost a year.” Her voice shook through her tears. “He proposed last week. And I said yes,” she choked out with a sob.

Stumbling, Faith took a step back, her arms falling limp at her sides. “But… I love you,” she gasped. “And you love me.”

“I do,” she sobbed. “I do love you. But I can’t be with you.” With a sigh, she tried to explain. “Since the war… Ron’s been different. Things were hard for him, but he’s finally managed to put himself back together. Even so, I don’t think he’d be able to handle this.”

“So you stay with him, even when you’d rather be with someone else,” Faith scoffed.

“He’s been one of my best friends for half my life--”

“When it suits him,” Faith broke in angrily. “When you’re not disagreeing with him.”

“Faith!”

Faith shook her head as she turned to head back inside. She stopped at the door, her back to Hermione. “He’ll never love you like I do. He’ll never get you like me.”

“I know,” Hermione responded sadly.

Shoulders sagging, Faith trudged back into the reception. She made a quick stop to tell Buffy and Charlie congratulations, and then headed out the door, disappearing into the night.

Hermione never heard from her again.